Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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