The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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