I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
