i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
