Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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