Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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