I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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