are you still at the devil's house?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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