Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
