I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
