Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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