i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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