That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
