I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
