My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
