they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
