ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
