Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
