Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
