Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
