Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
did i just pee glitter
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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