at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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