cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
