from now on my penis is your penis
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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