We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
