After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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