I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
