I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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