Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
