running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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