a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.