So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
