I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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