FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
