med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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