Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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