so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
