Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
