Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
