I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
