ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
