we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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