Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
