i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
