SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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