Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
