Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
