who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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