She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
