I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
