i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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