who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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