thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit