I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino