I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.