Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.