i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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