when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?