i only shaved half my leg
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?