The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
