forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
