cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I enjoy the company of your penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
