You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
