What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
