I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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