The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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