i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
