Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
