This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
