Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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