thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have feelings that need drinking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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