my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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