Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
