then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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