He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
