I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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