I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
