i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she told me i tasted like america
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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