I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
