Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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