I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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