if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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