i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
