just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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