it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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