I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
