Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
