I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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