pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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