I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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