Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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